The Paranoid Ramblings of a Pretentious Artist

you think you know

Thursday August 19, 2010

you think you know everything there is to know about something, or maybe that you know enough to be considered smart, or enough to feel that your place in the world is not for a waste

you think that what you know will be useful to the world, change the world and ultimately you will leave a lasting mark on everything that is to come

or maybe not everything, but something

you think that what you know will define your life, define your career, define the path in which you follow until you die

you think you know everything there is to know about something

even if its a pencil, or a staple, you think you know everything there is to know about that

but what you think you know is completely different from what you actually know, as are all things in life

you think you can bake, but in reality your brownies taste like sandpaper
you think you can act, but in reality your performance is laughable
you think you can dance, but in reality its not even reality, its just a show

your problems come from thinking, and your proof is in your actions based on that thought

so what you think you know about something, or anything, or even everything, is ultimately going to be proven wrong by your own actions to the contrary

so instead of thinking that you know everything, or something, or anything, assume you know nothing about everything and neither does anyone else

therefore all the knowledge in the world is wrong, all the things in which you grasp to or cling to in order to form some sense of reality from this world

everything you see is an illusion of what it is supposed to be

your food is an illusion of health
your pencil is an illusion of knowledge or power or creativity
your computer is an illusion of freedom or intellect or progression
your air is an illusion of life
your sex is an illusion of passion

and all of these illusions are constantly tricking you into believing that the world you are perceiving is the only world that exists and that all other concepts of another world or plane of existence is simply an illusion

therefore illusions are tricking you into thinking that illusions do not exist

and so if you rejected reality, and you truly believed that you were an individual thinker, you would understand that the entire world is not real and what you perceive is constantly tricking you into perceiving the world as reality when in fact it is illusion

so reject this illusion
and accept the only thing that is truth doesn’t actually exist
and will never exist
therefore there is no definable truth in the world

and if you live your life without truth, you will live a free life

free of responsibility, free of integrity, free of morals, of this idea of good or bad, of the idea that everything you do must be true in order to be worth something

imagine living your life this way, taking everyones words as lies, fiction, a false reality

your teacher explains to you a theory that a scientist created about gravity but you know in your heart that this teacher was told this theory by another teacher who was told this theory by another teacher who tested this theory to confirm it because he was told by another teach and so on and so on until we reach the source who is the original conjurer of the idea and was told this idea by outside sources, otherwise known as nature that this idea is true

so between nature and your teacher, the amount of time and possibility for misinterpretation is so immense that nothing can ever be true anyway

so this idea that truth can exist in a world based on he said she said is absurd because in reality, in true reality, you would not need to rely on others to tell you the truth, you would be able to perceive it for yourself

that is if nature was actually telling you the truth

and should you even have to rely on nature to tell you the truth

the point of this is to convince you that truth cannot exist if it relies on someone else knowing the truth and you being told that this is the truth

because it is not the truth, it is their version of a truth that maybe once was fiction, but has been accepted by so many people who told so many other people that this is the truth that it now became the truth

see how many people will believe you if you told them that your teacher told you that the radio waves being emitted and received in cellphones cause cancer and that we are all ticking time bombs

its shocking how many people will blindly accept a truth so that they do not have to actually search for it themselves

rather than work for an answer they would rather be told that this is the way something is

and that is why the government is necessary in order for our society to function

Excuse me?

Monday June 28, 2010

I’m sorry, what? How the fuck is it my fault, you dumb sloo!

Yea i get that i fucked up.

And i probably could have prepared better

Or done the shit in advance

But you were the one who couldn’t get my shit figured out in the 3 months I gave you

You said you had it under control

You said I didnt have to do anything, so thats what i fucking did

So it’s your fault for making me lazy

Ass wipe.

oh fuck off

Monday May 31, 2010

the absence of a title makes my next thoughts that much more deep

and…provoking

therefore i won’t provide any context to my words

and keep it short….to show that my pain is brief but moving

…. ellipses are beautiful

like my pain

livelaughdanceblog:

Trapped in an elevator for 41 hrs. 

Why do I find this so interesting?!

Its crazy. I kind of want to know what it is like, it isn’t something that you can really describe. Plus, it is sick for dance inspiration. 

The longest anyone has spend in an elevator was 6 days. From December 28, 1987 to January 2, 1988. Luckily there has gone grocery shopping and had them all in the elevator with them. Otherwise there is no way to survive. 

This is…unbelievable. Nothing extraordinary happened, no one was hurt, saved, or killed. Inspirational and there’s no reason for it. At all. Something to think about.
Wednesday April 21, 2010

formspring.me

Tuesday April 13, 2010

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/philturkie

after 4 yrs

Tuesday April 13, 2010

after 4 years, in grade 12 i have the ability to look back at my time spent here, my path i took to get here and all the rights and wrongs i have done to others and myself

its humbling
and awakening

and holy fuck that’s an eye-opener

ive sped through so much of my life, powered through a lot of moments assuming there would be better ones to come and fucking up moments i thought should have lasted forever

the good times are hard to remember, the bad ones always bubbling to the surface or cutting in front of line but i believe there were millions of both

and honestly now that i think about it

who am i?

high school was supposed to establish who I am and solidify my sense of self or some other bullshit and i did not have to worry about that anymore

i have not figured any of this out
and im fucking terrified

people have their universities chosen, careers established, plans set, talent honed, and identities established and they just coast to the end of high school

i have no university, volunteer hours not handed in, no career plan, identity marred by insecurities and doubt almost 24/7

i know that others will put forward the idea that there are others like me, but i truly hope not. i am terrified of what my future has in store and even if i will make it that far (no not dying but will i get to university when everyone else does….do I even want to)

i dont even know if I want to return for another year, work, save up money, audition and such and such

the only things i know about myself, my future, my adulthood is that
i want to create
i want to act
i am gay
and my self-worth is blatantly reliant on the compliments of others

yup im definitely set for life
thanks highschool for fulfilling my dreams =D

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