after 4 yrs
after 4 years, in grade 12 i have the ability to look back at my time spent here, my path i took to get here and all the rights and wrongs i have done to others and myself
its humbling
and awakening
and holy fuck that’s an eye-opener
ive sped through so much of my life, powered through a lot of moments assuming there would be better ones to come and fucking up moments i thought should have lasted forever
the good times are hard to remember, the bad ones always bubbling to the surface or cutting in front of line but i believe there were millions of both
and honestly now that i think about it
who am i?
high school was supposed to establish who I am and solidify my sense of self or some other bullshit and i did not have to worry about that anymore
i have not figured any of this out
and im fucking terrified
people have their universities chosen, careers established, plans set, talent honed, and identities established and they just coast to the end of high school
i have no university, volunteer hours not handed in, no career plan, identity marred by insecurities and doubt almost 24/7
i know that others will put forward the idea that there are others like me, but i truly hope not. i am terrified of what my future has in store and even if i will make it that far (no not dying but will i get to university when everyone else does….do I even want to)
i dont even know if I want to return for another year, work, save up money, audition and such and such
the only things i know about myself, my future, my adulthood is that
i want to create
i want to act
i am gay
and my self-worth is blatantly reliant on the compliments of others
yup im definitely set for life
thanks highschool for fulfilling my dreams =D
